Whoops

I've written my last post in comments after my last blog.

WHY ME? IS THIS A DREAM?

What a week? It's been an up-hill battle this week to stay on top. I had a busy weekend and then Monday a busy night at our Club which was hard work for the first time. Tuesday I was a wipe out after not having enough sleep. Lucky I had no clients because I wasnt really with it all day. Wednesday and Thursday I was out (feel better being with people than home alone) and by Friday I was desperate for a good nights sleep. So off to the doc for sleeping pills. However, Margaret arrived Friday night and I slept till 6am... wow.. what a miracle and no pills! but this morning I saw 3am, 4am, 6am, then back to sleep and slept through the alarm again. Pills tonight and hopefully wont be late for work tomorrow.
I went to see a friend today who has been where I am and it was so comforting to know I am still normal. Everything I've been feeling and thinking, she understood perfectly. And I agree, I dont think I will relax until I hear the Dr say "we got it all".
It was good to talk to Margaret who also understood my thoughts about Why Me, Why any good person.... Why do any of us get cancer? I still think sometimes .. is it really happening.. am I imagining things.. but then I can see the scars from my biopsy's and I know it is real! I feel well, apart from muscle strain, headaches and indigestion (havent had that for years) and I put it all down to stress... It's not something I'm actively creating.. Its something I can't get away from.. its with me every minute of the day and night and theres nothing anyone can do to make it go away!
Margaret is great company and she will be back again on Wednesday for 3 days. We went shopping yesterday, clothes for Margaret.. I can't get enthused at the moment. She bought a couple of black tops and then I showed her how to make some arty farty fabric to put on the front of one. She had fun doing it. Margaret paints beautiful pictures, when she has time! She is always so busy looking after everyone else.. she doesnt have enough time for herself. Hehe Margaret will growl at me now. Haha.
The heart blocks keep on coming. My friend Carol thought it would be a great idea to make them into a quilt so I could take it to hospital with me. She's going to ask my local friends to make blocks which will be really special too. Wow, I wanted something personal to take with me to hospital but I didnt know what... . this will be the best. Something to keep me warm inside and out!

Well I"m off to relax and catch up with Grey's Anatomy then take a pill and off to work. Hopefully I'll be at work on time haha.

CELEBRATIONS

Yes, I'm still here. Its been a really busy weekend and yesterday was no different. I spent Saturday sewing with a group of friends, then went up to the Hospital to visit my father who's had a couple of days up there. Nothing serious! Sunday, my friends/landlords arrived and pulled out my gardens and replanted them. It was a bitterly cold day in the wind and showers of rain but it looks great! Then last night was the 25th birthday of my patchwork and quilting club so it was a busy night. I'm on the Committee and we wore Silver tinsel wigs, gave everyone a birthday present and had a lot of fun. As Librarian I have to do my speel on stage but last night I was a bit emotional beforehand...I think I was overwhelmed at everyones' kindness, hugs and 'hearts' ... It's hard work being funny and happy all the time and I have to admit to feeling wasted today! I've never really been in this position before. I like to think I"ve been there for others in this situation but now its very humbling to be the recipient!
My online patchwork group have been sending me 'heart blocks' which are 6 1/2" squares with a heart sewn on them and their names, messages written around it. When I have recovered from my future op I will sew them all together to remember this journey.
Thank you to everyone who's leaving messages on here too. Michelle of course I remember you. haha. Its a small world sometimes ah. Thank you for your kind words and my love to your Mum.
Marg, how many more sleeps. I can't wait to see you and have your company. This weekend and next .. how lucky am I? See you soon my friend.
Tomorrow is payday thank goodness. I have to get my eyes tested... blind as a bat! but I've decided to wait until after the surgery before I get my glasses. Something to look forward too... except for the bill of course!! I can't see what I look like when I'm trying them on haha so I need to buy them so my daughter has offered to go with me. I have been going to the pool and walking up to 40 lengths at a time. I want to build that up to 80 which I used to do years ago. Its good exercise walking in the pool, plus its safer than walking on my own, and warm too!

Chris H, wow, what a fantastic artist you are! I love your tri thingies. They're gorgeous.

Well everyone, my dinner must be nearly cooked now so I'm off for the evening. Still springcleaning and finding a few treasures I'd forgotten I had. Heaps of sewing to do still but priorities to get the food and wine in for my friend Margaret's stay this weekend. I am so looking forward to her visit. Then she'll be back again next weekend. Yes!!!

Nite everyone.

Karen

The fog still is!

Just when I thought the fog was lifting I realised at 3am this morning that I had cut half my blocks the wrong size..... geez! And my mate at work says my hair is dyed! Think she's right! Haha.

What an amazing journey this is!

I feel so humble.

Since being diagnosed I have had people constantly offering to help in any way, ringing to support me, calling in to visit, offering support in the future when I need it. And today in the post I received a gift from someone I've never met but know of through an online quilting group.

Heres the beautiful pincushion and tools holder she made me using "Quilt for a Cure" fabric for Cancer. I opened the parcel and cried. I know that people care but it really is overwhelming. My online quilt group are even making heart blocks for me, that I can sew into a quilt to remember this experience. I was told "Its the quilting culture. To show we care about you". I feel undeserving as there are so many women who are really suffering through cancer but I am still fit and well and once I have this surgery there is a 90% chance I will be cancer free without treatment.

Tonight I've been to my patchwork group and finally cut out some blocks for a row swap, which are way overdue. They need to be posted next week at the latest. I have a sewing bee that I host on Saturday so I can spend the whole day catching up on what I havent done in the last 3 weeks! No excuses! I think it will motivate me to get cracking. Working with fabric and colour is really healing and makes me feel good because I can be creative and achieve something.

This is one I made last year for my neice's wedding present. Their colours were burgundy and blue at the wedding so I used them predominantly in the quilt. It was a huge surprise for them. I told Stacey I was making a patchwork outfit to wear to the wedding and the poor girl believed me! Don't know why?

Well I've felt a little less foggy today. I had an amazing sleep last night. Slept till 5am instead of 4 so felt a little brighter when I got up. But when I was looking at clothes during my lunchhour and I saw a gorgeous blouse rather transparent, I thought "I'll never be able to wear one of those as people will see I won't have a nipple"... but as usual a friend cheered me up with their comment "Put a M&M on your boob and noone will know the difference"?? Haha I guess if I was hungry I'd always have a snack close by.

I love my friends! Thanks to all of you too for your comments today. This is a fantastic way of sharing my journey!

Karen

PS Can someone tell me how to search for other blogs through this site???

"Cancer is a Word, Not a Sentence"

Hi. Thanks to Chris and Stew who came down to show me how to 'tart' up my blog tonight. Now I know how to put in photos and make it look a bit more attractive!

Well my visit to the surgeon this morning was um interesting. I hadnt given a thought to the fact that all these men are now going to want to look at my boob and touch it!! Oh dear, just when I thought I'd got over the gynacology bit now I have another embaressment to get over.
However he was very nice, and explained heaps to me like I do have a bit of time to get used to it before it comes off. I see the next surgeon on 3 August and hopefully he will give me a date for Lower Hutt to have surgery done.

I have to finish a few quilts (unfinished pfojects) and start a couple more for my granddchildren. Here is a pic of one I did for my grandson last year. He requested orange, farm animals, motorikes and numbers. So I combined all of his requests into one rug.
Well I'm off to bed. Have to hit the hay as soon as I'm tired now so that I actually get a few hours good sleep. Take care everyone.

Of sound mind, yeah right??

Well, what a day, what a week? I think my brain has gone into hybernation. It seems like a real effort to concentrate on the little things these days. I filled in a form today but I'd got the instructions wrong... so had to get new ones! I visited a really good friend for lunch but had trouble remembering her husbands name??? And then I redid my blog and put my email address in wrong? Geez.
Lucky I updated my Will and made Enduring Power of Attorney's recently. Maybe I knew something was ahead of me. Not that I'm planning on dying, but I might need my EPA if my brain doesnt wake up soon. But then I'm crazy now so how will anyone know when I cross the line haha. People at the restaurant where I had my 50th must have thought I was nuts!
Its a long story but I had to live up to my reputation. I sent out invites for my 5th birthday and then turned up at the restaurant with bobby socks, fairy wings, a tiara, even a hanky pinned to my top. I looked absolutely hideous but it all started on my 4oth, ten years ago.
My lovely kids decided they would throw a party for me, a Birthday Roast so all my friends could come and tell stories about the crazy things I'd done to them and others. I love playing jokes and making people laugh!
To top it all my lovely kids shouted me to Nelson the week before the party (to get me out of town) and told me I would be picked up to go the party when all the guests had arrived. Well I was a bit nervous, No, a lot nervous about that. But geez the brain worked overtime.
On the night I dressed in my new clothes and said goodbye to the family who went to the hall to greet the guests. I quickly changed and when my Dad came to pick me up he found Mother Teresa waiting for him. He was dumstruck! I arrived at the hall, to a standing ovation but you can imagine. It wasnt me, It was a nun complete with rosary beads and a walking stick! And it had the desired effect. Only three people told stories and they were all family!! haha. Noone could relate me to Mother T... of course if I'd worn my angel wings ten years ago they might have recognised me easier haha!
Off to the first surgeon tomorrow. Hopefully I will get a referral to a plastic surgeon in Wellington so fingers crossed. Every day is another day closer to being free of the Big C! Theres a jingle for ya! Cheers everyone. Thanks for your kind thoughts and best wishes today. X

One week since diagnosis!

This time last week I was diagnosed as having breast cancer and told I would need a mastectomy. Wow, it blew me away. I have just turned 50, had a fantastic party with family and friends and thought life was pretty sweet. I turned up for my routine mamogram without a care in the world until I was called back within a few days for reassessment.So here I am awaiting a visit to the surgeon this week. Its been a good week. I've coped, stayed positive. I am so lucky they have found it early and I will live to finish all my ufo's ... I patchwork .. a lot! I've told all my family and closest friends. And I'm planning a wake for my boob. After all, its fed three kids and served me well! My friends think its a fantastic idea.. they know me well and know that this is how I would want to spend the time close to surgery date.I'm hoping to be able to have a reconstruction at the same time but wont know for sure until I see the plastic surgeon. It would be so great if they could make it a nice pert 21 year old boosey but they'd have to pin up the other one as well. And the bonus is they take the fat for my new boosey from my stomach so I'll end up losing an inch or two. Hmmm I hope they know when they've got enough, I could end up with a double H on the right and a C on the left. I"d be running around in circles!Hey I have to make jokes. There is nothing I can do about this. I have cancer! Woah.. that is weird saying that. I feel fine, look fine but I have cancer. What a miserable sneaky disease it is ah. Noone in my family has had breast cancer. I had no lumps. No illness. But thanks to Breast Screening I have joined the millions of other women who suffer from this horrible disease. Well, I dont think of it as my enemy, that would be stressful. ..It is an overstayer..and its bags are being packed.So now you know what I'm coping with at the moment. I'm staying on top though feeling like I cant concentrate by the afternoons, very tired I think from stress even though I'm not consciously feeling stressed! Its always in the back of my mind and I cant wait to find out when I'm going to be rid of this pest. I hoped that by writing a blog friends and family could share my thoughts, and share their feelings with me. I know I am not alone in this. If nothing else this has happened at the best time in my life. I have a wonderful family and more friends now than I've ever had. My boss is fantastic and very understanding. I work with neat fun people in a job I love doing. I have a cosy place to live in and I am ever so grateful for all the support I have been offered. I know that everyone is thinking of me and will be there if I ask for help (geez that's not easy for me but I'll learn).