What a week? It's been an up-hill battle this week to stay on top. I had a busy weekend and then Monday a busy night at our Club which was hard work for the first time. Tuesday I was a wipe out after not having enough sleep. Lucky I had no clients because I wasnt really with it all day. Wednesday and Thursday I was out (feel better being with people than home alone) and by Friday I was desperate for a good nights sleep. So off to the doc for sleeping pills. However, Margaret arrived Friday night and I slept till 6am... wow.. what a miracle and no pills! but this morning I saw 3am, 4am, 6am, then back to sleep and slept through the alarm again. Pills tonight and hopefully wont be late for work tomorrow.
I went to see a friend today who has been where I am and it was so comforting to know I am still normal. Everything I've been feeling and thinking, she understood perfectly. And I agree, I dont think I will relax until I hear the Dr say "we got it all".
It was good to talk to Margaret who also understood my thoughts about Why Me, Why any good person.... Why do any of us get cancer? I still think sometimes .. is it really happening.. am I imagining things.. but then I can see the scars from my biopsy's and I know it is real! I feel well, apart from muscle strain, headaches and indigestion (havent had that for years) and I put it all down to stress... It's not something I'm actively creating.. Its something I can't get away from.. its with me every minute of the day and night and theres nothing anyone can do to make it go away!
Margaret is great company and she will be back again on Wednesday for 3 days. We went shopping yesterday, clothes for Margaret.. I can't get enthused at the moment. She bought a couple of black tops and then I showed her how to make some arty farty fabric to put on the front of one. She had fun doing it. Margaret paints beautiful pictures, when she has time! She is always so busy looking after everyone else.. she doesnt have enough time for herself. Hehe Margaret will growl at me now. Haha.
The heart blocks keep on coming. My friend Carol thought it would be a great idea to make them into a quilt so I could take it to hospital with me. She's going to ask my local friends to make blocks which will be really special too. Wow, I wanted something personal to take with me to hospital but I didnt know what... . this will be the best. Something to keep me warm inside and out!
Well I"m off to relax and catch up with Grey's Anatomy then take a pill and off to work. Hopefully I'll be at work on time haha.
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4 comments:
Hope those pills work again, and I'm sure his nibs will understand if you are late.. he's nice! Did you check out any of the internet Breast Cancer sites? See you during the week no doubt! Coming on Saturday for the Mid Winter Xmas Party?
Sorry to disagree with you, but you really CAN do something about stress. Forgive me if this sounds like a lecture..it isn't meant to be!
Positive thought and relaxation techniques can really help you to overcome these understandable feelings of stress and worry. (I know.. I can hear you shouting now, it easy for you, you don't have breast cancer!! True..but bear with me!).
Stress can kill perfectly healthy people and it is ENTIRELY of our own making. I should know, I suffered IBS, asthma symptoms etc purely from worry. My circumstances in no way compare to yours so I can only imagine what you are feeing right now...
Short of smoking 60 Marlboro a day and getting a job as a crocodile wrestler, Stress is the closest thing to killing yourself without really trying!
To control stress, we need to control our minds.We CAN control our own minds but it needs training and perseverance.
And yes, here comes the quote!
'A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce results. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.'
This is from a book by James Allen called 'As A Man Thinketh'.
I REALLY believe this more than anything else I think I have ever read. If you forget the 'MAN' thing - it was written a long time ago (lol) - and consider the basic idea that our thoughts can materially affect our circumstances - this is fundamental stuff and musn't be underestimated.
Use everything at your disposal, your friends, your family to help you to eradicate the stress but ultimately YOU have to decide that YOU are going to control your mind and body and stress will NOT be allowed!
I totally understand your use of the sleeping pills but there IS another way, you just need to believe it and let it in!
Good luck & good health!
Hi Fatblokethin Thanks for your comments but I am a positive person 90%of the time. However, fellow cancer patients agree with me. Cancer takes over your mind, you dont consciously create stress, it is subconscious.. it is with you all the time without even thinking about it. This might not make sense to others, but it does if you've had cancer. And I have found strength knowing that I am normal. As for sleeping pills, who cares. It's whatever crutch I can use to get a good nights sleep. Cause I need it. My job involves using my brain, being ten steps ahead of the client, and meeting my targets (it makes me feel good). So I need a good nights sleep. I hate not being able to concentrate because my head is too tired to think.
I'm thinking this will be my last blog about cancer. Noone can know what its like for ME unless they physically know me. I haven't had as much time to write and I find it hard to write down what i'm feeling when it ain't good. I am lucky I have so many friends and family to lean on. I think I will start another blog about patchwork as that is my 'buzz'. However it probably doesnt fit in here.
Good luck with your weightlosses everyone. I started walking this morning so hopefully will be a bit fitter for my op.
Take care.
I am really sorry to hear that you will stop blogging about your situation. I hope my comments have not decided you on this course of action.
My comment DOES read like a lecture doesn't it...I'm really sorry about that, I sincerely did not mean it to come across that way.
And you're right, I do not know you and in hindsight I had very little right to pretend to understand your situation.
I hope everything goes well for you.
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