Goodbye 2007

Well, Christmas has been and gone and another year starts tomorrow. I am looking forward to putting 07 behind me. It has been a roller coaster of a year for me from massive highs to all-time lows, emotionally and physically. After cancer and the infections from surgery, being busy preparing for christmas and travelling I am now so damn tired I am emotionally stuffed and have caught the grandchildren's tummy bug. I can't So no celebrating for me tonight. I'll be in bed early again. But I will wake up tomorrow having subconsiously kicked 07 in the butt, good riddance! On the positive side I am rid of the big C, I turned 50 and had a wonderful celebration with family and friends and I had a wonderful year at work. I achieved my targets, reaped the rewards and had a lot of fun. Sadly Stew the boss has left now and we will have to 'train' a new boss (when we get one) and so another learning curve to come! Stew is a legend and has been so kind and supportive during my "07 challenges" I really appreciate him and will miss his whit and sense of humour.

The Christmas presents were finished on time (last minute of course) but I was proud of my efforts and really enjoyed making them. Here is Cameron's doll in Motorx pyjama's and leather slippers (as Cam has been racing for the last 4 years).

Cam was sick on Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day but he still had a smile on his face watching everyone open their presents.

Alex loves Thomas the Tank Engine and his one has teddy bear slippers. Olivia, well she loves pink, anything pink and her's has bunny slippers.

These were from a Patchwork & Stitching mag. I love this photo of Alex when he unwrapped his. He is a gorgeous boy ah. But only 2 1/2 years old.

Here is Olivia (4 in March) and Alex with big brother George (12).

'Tabitha' has been to the Dolls Hospital and received new eyes for Christmas. She has been lovingly bathed during her 33 years to the extent that she looked like 'chuckys sister'.

I 'borrowed' her from my daughter Annette, and after surgery I made her some new clothes. Annette was really excited to unwrap her on Christmas Day. Hubby thought she was nuts but she takes after her mum being sentimental (lucky she didn't get my dum brains).

Thank you to everyone who has given me support this year especially over the last 5 months ( wow, it seems a lifetime but it's all happened so fast ah). My love to you all and here's to a wonderful, successful and positive year ahead. 08 is a nice round number, no edges, no endings, so it's bound to be really smooth.

Happy New Year everyone.

The Rooster has landed

Project R is now complete and gone to a good home. We held a Christmas party/Farewell for the boss yesterday and Roderick the Rooster was presented to him in a couple of KFC buckets - REJECT - who wants to eat Rooster!

The joke was that Stew has been the head of the hen house, is a little cocky (quick witted) and never goes off half-cocked (we've never even seen him grumpy)... I'm sure he's not an android though.

Stew has some amazing shoes, really radical and out there but he was brave enough to wear them to work one day and staff gave him heaps so this is Roderick in Stews' shoes and this is Roderick in our staff room. I made a calender of all the places in Palmy I could think of including one with a couple of students at the capping on Friday and with his cousins down at the Duck Pond!

It was fun but the sad thing is my computer isn't happy.. I can't access the internet and yet the modem is working fine. Have checked it with xtra so sounds like it will be off to the shop. So I'll have to make this short and sweet cause I shouldn't be doing it! Wink nudge Chris you lovely lady.. shhh!

I like this email so thought I would share it

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the Motor Registration office,was asked by the counter clerk to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the counter clerk,

"do you have a job or are you just a ..?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman."I'm a Mum."

"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation,

'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Medicare office.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.

The words simply popped out.

"I'm a Research Associate in the field ofChild Development

and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair andlooked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.

Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,

in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,

"just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,

I heard myself reply,

"I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't)

In the laboratory and in the field,

(normally I would have said indoors and out).

I'm working for my Masters,

(first the Lord and then the whole family)

and already have four credits - (all daughters).

Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,

(any mother care to disagree?)

and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).

But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers

and the rewards aremore of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.

Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!

And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished

and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum."

Motherhood!What a glorious career!

Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers

"Senior Research associates in the field of

Child Development and Human Relations"

And great grandmothers

"Executive Senior Research Associates?"

I think so!!!

I also think it makes Aunts

"Associate Research Assistants."

Birthdays

Well, this week is one for birthdays. My mother's was on Wednesday, my grandson George was 12 yesterday and my brother-in-law today. I managed to get cards and presents off to two of them which wasn't bad considering I'm usually late. I rang the bro in law this morning and wished him a happy day.
I sent my grandson a chess set. It's a beautiful piece.. wooden box with mirror and opague tiles on the top for the board. The pieces were quite heavy inside the box with a velvet lining. He rang last night to thank me and he was so appreciative. He learn't how to play at school and his dad plays too so hopefully they will enjoy some quiet time away from Olivia who is 3 and Alex who's 2.
Today has been a mixed day. Tests show the bug is still with me but it hasn't travelled or caused any infection anywhere else. Which is wonderful. I think I am feeling better each time I have antibiotics but it hasn't killed it. So my dr has referred me to a Gastroentrologist but I may have to wait a few weeks so will start on probiotics in the meantime. Gotta give it a go ah.
Been busy at work this week which is really good for me. I love being busy and getting my targets up. I live on targets, and goals. Pissed off that one of the blokes is way ahead of me because I've had the time off sick!
Well Project R isn't cut out yet but my friend Carol has been around tonight and agreed the fabrics are cool. It won't take me long so I will cut it out tomorrow. One more week till the boss's farewell and then he'll be starting in Auckland with all the Jaffa's on 10th December. So only two weeks to make him sorry he ever employed me haha. Or that he'll never forget us in Palmy North**
Well off to bed. Was going there an hour ago when my friends caught me in my nightie.... Not a pretty sight.
Still the scales might move further in the morning. There has to be a bonus in all this because I haven't found a 'nice' toilet paper lately. Someone said to put it in the freezer????? Might try it haha.
Goodnight all.

Must be nearly Christmas

Geez, where are the weeks going? I have so much to do.. I have no time for being tired at night right now. Despite Vancomcin for a week the dreaded Cdiff is still with me so I'm going to give alternative medicine a go. I've read that probiotics can be effective.

Well only 4 weeks till Christmas and I haven't bought A present yet! and only 1 week till Project R has to be finished and I haven't even started!! Typical KJ always running late but it will happen!!

But the weekend was wonderful. I had one of my gorgeous grandsons to stay. He was sooooo good and I was so proud to be his nan. I took him to our sewing day on Saturday complete with material he could sew up, my older sewing machine etc. He had a ball and I am amazed how clever a 7 yr old is at sewing a straight line! He loved it and everyone loved him. He passed around the morning tea, had a conversation with everyone and admired their work! I took him for a swim at lunchtime to break the monotony and give the ladies some peace but he was more than happy to go back. I'm now quilting his rug together so he can have it. He also made fabric cornucopia's to put on the

tree with little presents or sweets in them. Two squares of fabric and a piece of cord. so easy but in Christmas fabric I reckon they'll look gorgeous on a tree.

Well no time for adding more tonight. Time to get Project R started!

Support Group

Wow, I've found a support group for Cdiff on the internet. It is amazing that so many other people have this although I'm only the second patient my doctor has ever had with it. And the first with recurring cdiff. But it is not unknown to have it for several months even years. Huh not me! Times up. I start vancomycin tomorrow (if I can find the hospital pharmacy) haha. Gave me directions for the back door this avo but I didnt have long before another appointment so will go there before work tomorrow and go through the hospital.
I've found some brilliant quilting blogs .. click onto lazygal if you're interested. If I didnt have so much other stuff to do like scrapbooking pages for a friends birthday, George's quilt... before Xmas, a special object to sew... 'geez I need energizer batteries!!!
I am so excited. I'm helping to organise a farewell and it is going to be so much fun. (for me anyway haha). And by then I'D BETTER BE ABLE TO EAT MORE THAN MASHED POTATO! Even though its going to be weird not having Stew around (the boss) I am really looking forward to our Christmas party/Stew's farewell. Now, dont tell him Chris or he won't want to come!!! Haha.
Well, off to bed. Coro Street has finished. Need my beauty sleep ..hmm maybe not! but can't feel pain when I'm asleep! and with the sleeping pills EVERYTHING else settles too. Here's a hint - if you have diarrhea eat white bread and marmite. It doesnt go anywhere! So you're safe at work!

Garage Sale Treasures

I forgot to say in my blog that I found some treasures at a friends garage sale yesterday. She was selling stuff for an elderly couple who had stored their own parents 'stuff' in their garage for many years. Some of the newspapers were 1974! I bought a set of crystal wine glasses (so now I can have 9 wino's around instead of 3!, a beautiful chess set for my grandsons birthday and some gorgeous little plates and bowls. But my best find was this gorgeous venetian glass decanter and shot glasses. I think its beautiful. Now I just need something nice and 'safe' to display it on!

Did I need them? No, but they look good!

Me and My New Mate!

Well, I've got it back again. Third time around the clock. I've just found a support group online for Chlostridium Difficile and some of them had it for over a year, one lady four years. Uck! But I can pick up ideas about diet etc, though nothing much different from what my doctor has told me. I guess I'll have to go back but I'm afraid she'll put me off work "to rest" again. I can't anyway. Geez, I've done enough resting. I like being back at work... makes me feel human again! Bugger, I'm choking up thinking about this crap so I've decided not to get pissed off about it this time. I'll try and stay positive and 'handle it' otherwise I'm going to end up a mess if I have to put up with this for a year or two!!

On a more positive note I thought I'd put in here a couple of pics that are long overdue.

Firstly while off work and not having the energy to wander around the shops I made my friend Carol a doll for her birthday. It was quite fun having some hand sewing .. putting on beads etc.

So now I'm starting on a new project, though not as 'pretty' as a doll! But it is a lot of fun and I'm sure the reciepient will get a giggle out of it.

Well, I'm off to have a marmite sandwich (white bread) of course. Uck Uck.. whoops be positive Karen... how yummy!

Karen

November 4th

Ha ha Helen, what a brilliant idea for a quilt. Can't think of a colour scheme though hehe. Uck!
Well I have finished the second lot of antibiotics but sadly Friday afternoon and Saturday were not good days. Rest of the week I thought the drugs had got rid of it, but will just have to wait and see what the next few days bring. fingers crossed. I am so sick of it! I've even had to buy more expensive 'softer' dunny paper! And tired, geez..... this isn't ME!
Some days I wonder why I even bothered to have this op... grr but I've said 6 months.... give it that long and I'm sure I'll be happy I went through with it.
Besides that the weekend was fantastic. Margaret came to visit again from Hastings/Auckland/Christchurch...( her job has taken her everywhere since my op) and it was so good to catch up. She is looking for another job and I hope it doesnt take her too far away ... too!
Today my girl Annette and her family came over and visited. Brendan did some of the heavy moving jobs I can't do yet but I will have to get some big boys in to move my computer desk and bedroom back to normal one day. I've just signed onto broadband and due to the lack of hotpoints I have cords going across the floor. What did we do before technology. Every hot point has 4 - 5 things plugged into it!!
Well early to bed, work tomorrow. Will try for a couple more hours but early nights are necessary. I DO NOT want to go back to the Dr this week!!! Geez, I'll have to give up my job if I dont get rid of it soon!

K

2007 - Crap

And so we go on. I finished the antibiotics a week ago, 5 days off them and the lovely Clostridium Difficile came back. Well, I'd just started work 2 hours a day, was supposed to do half days this week but am now back to 2 hours only because I said I had to! On more antibiotics but at least I can eat a little more than white bread and marmite. Oh joy! that was hard.
This bug makes me so tired.. I have never been so exhausted that I need an afternoon nap. I've been so physically exhausted even after doing the dishes! When I can eat and drink anything I'll be getting all the vitamins and asdophillus into me so fast!
And the next bloody pain in the arse is we're losing our boss! CRAP CRAP CRAP! He's so cool to work with, does and says what he means and is so much fun..... and now he's going to be a Jaffa! Well, all I can say is, if we end up with some boring old fart with no sense of humour, or ambition we'll be going to Auckland on convoy, wrapping one of his 1000 ties around his neck and bringing our funny boy back!! Thats not a threat, its a promise Mr H!
But it will be great for him and his family to be closer to relatives and back where they want to be ... and I'm sure there will be many emails going back and forwards. I'll never forget I'd been there 3 months and the first time I got the weekly report I said to Mr H, "if you put my results on there we'd be over 100%". He said you are on there! Turned out he thought my name was Karen Scott ??? and I've been Scotty ever since. Yeah well, beam me up mate! Haha
I have started some sewing at long last. I made a doll, a lot of it hand sewing so I could relax and do it. It was for a friends birthday. Quite keen to make some more one day but for now I'm hoping to make a bag for a lady I met in hospital who has to have radiotherapy. However I only have enough oomph for short bursts so not much is being achieved.
Then its time to make my grandsons quilt before he thinks his Nan doesnt care! He's been waiting a couple of years.
Well back to the lazyboy before thinking about dinner. Takes a bit of thought when you can't eat everything!
Karen

Long overdue update - crap literally!

Wow, its been a while but its now 4 weeks since I left hospital but I've made five steps forward and 6 back! I finally had the all clear from the district nurses 10 days ago from the infection in my wounds (psuedomonas) but was already on another course of antibiotics as my local GP thought I had an abcess under my wound. Shortly after I had diarrohea which continued, me thinking it was the anitbiotics however it didn't stop when the drugs stopped so I went back to the GP. I got the results yesterday. Another lovely bug that is caused by being on broad spectrum antibiotics (for the infection) for too long! And guess what there is no cure, they can only treat it when it happens. So this week MORE antibiotics, and my diet is strictly white bread with marmite or raspberry jam, and thin soup! Fullstop. Nothing else. I am starving. Its toast and jam for breakfast, soup and plain toast for lunch and bread and marmite for tea. And I hate white bread! There aren't a lot of variations of having this diet.

But if I'm not better by Tuesday I'm off to hospital and thats a place I dont want to go back too. In fact I think I'm home on drugs this week as this bug isn't good in hospitals amongst sick people!

The only good thing is my huggy tight jeans fell down to my hips on Sunday so I dont even need to undo them to get them off! Jeans I haven't worn for two years cause I couldn't get the zip up fit now but a little too tight on my wounds yet. Tummy tucks are a bonus but I have wondered if I should have just had the boob off and been done with it now! A fleeting thought, I'm sure in a few months I'll be so happy with it.

At last I've started doing something though. Its been hard getting started, no concentration but a friend helped me get started on a doll for a friends birthday this weekend. All the hard parts done so I can sit and do handsewing between pit stops and energy naps. I am supposed to go back to work on Tuesday cause I was thinking I'd be bouncing by now but its all up in the air for now!

time for a nanna nap now friends. Take care. Will try not to leave it so long next time.

Karen

Two weeks at home

Well, I can't believe I've only been home for two weeks. Its seems like forever! I have decided I am impatient, tired of the aggravating pain and not being able to do what I want. But slap me for moaning! Sadly on Wednesday the nurse thought one of the wounds had healed but on Friday it had come back so back to scratch! I've just checked the net for causes of this damn infection and it says it can be found in moist areas ie. bathroom sinks, urine receptacles etc. Exactly the same cause my daughters doctor gave her for the hospital bug she caught while she was with me!

Yesterday I got a friend to drop me off at the nearby post office and I walked home. It was okay though far enough. But cost me $10 for a crappy patchwork mag in a celophane bag. I should have known better but thought I should buy myself a treat other than food! Haha.

Well today again is gorgeous so I'm off for another walk. Daylight saving starts tonight so we have an hour less sleep but I can soon catch up during the day haha. My surgeon said 6 weeks I'd be feeling on top of it! Over halfway now....

K

Week Three

Well, I am over this now. Where's the button I push to make the pain go away so I can do everything again and get back to normal. Patience is obviously not my forteit! I started walking yesterday. Got as far as the corner (maybe 50 metres) and had to turn around. Had a sleep when I got home! The DN's have been again today and the infection is still trying its best but is decreasing compared with ten days ago thank goodness. I am so buggered! It's awful. I shouldn't be so self absorbed. There are a lot of people who are suffering more than me.
What makes me really sick is to watch the news and know that there are people out there drink driving and killing innocent people, or abusing kids and yet they go to jail, we pay for them to survive in there and they don't suffer. How does a few months in jail being fed three meals a day compare to having your body chopped up or losing someone you love for no reason! Why can't pricks like them have cancer?
And on that note I'm going to go and try cutting up some material. And I will think of a couple of people I know who put other peoples lifes at risk everyday by drinking WHILE driving! Bored, frustrated... yes. Tired of this nagging wisdom tooth in my right breast.... oh boy yes!

But tomorrow will be a better day!!!

Saturday

Hmm patience is a virtue but hell, not being able to drive is a sin! How did we get on without cars??? I'd like to say I could walk to the shops but at the moment its about 4 miles too far for me. Hopefully next weekend. Luckily my big girl is well enough to come and visit this afternoon and take me to the supermarket etc. I'm looking forward to a 'real' coffee! Yay.
Chris and Stew, have a wonderful holiday. I'm hoping its just a holiday wink wink. Work, would beat this boredom but don't think I can cope yet with this nagging toothache in my boob area. Still every day is another day towards a complete recovery...yes I must have patience!

Hello everyone I'm back

Yes I'm back at home and finally online. I'm amazed its all over and I am so happy that my results were all positive. The cancer has gone. No treatment necessary! Fantastic ah. The doctors and nurses were wonderful and I can't fault the care I received. The meals maybe but not the care haha. I was discharged on Saturday after 10 days in hospital and am now learning about patience. Frustration reigns but patience is a learned thing! I had a bit of a hick up with an infection whilst in hospital so District Nurses are coming daily to keep that at bay and I've been swallowing drugs like they're mm's! I know I will never moan if I get bronchitis again cause thats just a pain in your chest, not a big swollen elephant-Tit- is on one side!

I can't drive for a couple more weeks.. geez how frustrating is that haha. But I must admit I've had two short trips to the chemist and the shop and I'm worn out in half an hour. Once the infection has gone I can start walking around the block and get my fitness back.

Sadly my beautiful eldest daughter Annette who came to Lower Hutt to be with me, ended up catching the hospital virus and spent a week in Palmerston North Hospital. It was daunting not being able to be with her but after another weeks bedrest she is feeling better and slowly getting back to work. Unfortunately we never considered her low immunity status before she came. She just wanted to be there for me and I was pleased to have someone there. Never again though.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words and best wishes. This is my first day back on the computer. I've cleared 150 emails and time now to get out in the sunshine for awhile. The weather has been amazing and certainly helps make the days brighter.

Thanks again everyone

BOO AGAIN

Ha ha No its not cancelled! I was told to go home for the night and be back there tomorrow morning at 7.15am to get ready for surgery at 9am! So I've just had a yummy dinner and will try and get some sleep later.

Seems rather more intricate than I'd presumed.. I may not be dancing with all the drains I'll have for awhile. Can't sleep lying down either and have to have my legs up on 2 pillows 24 hours a day for a few days. Give me a blanket please!!! The ward staff seem fantastic, very friendly, have had my ecg and more blood - geez give me Victoria St Lab anyday. I've had the same lady twice now and boy she is useeeeless! Got two nasty blood blisters from today.

Could be a week to 10 days before I'm home so I may not be updating this for awhile, though might get a friend to do it for me.

So friends and family, enjoy your day tomorrow. Enjoy your breakfast, your lunch, your dinner and breakfast on Thursday.. geez ... Haha. I'll be looking forward to the shout when I get back to work haha.

The show is on!

Hello again
Thanks for your comments everyone. Well, I rang the hospital yesterday and its all go this week. so I'm packed and ready to go today. I've been in Wellington since Friday with my sisters and Nette arrived last night to spend the next few days with me. A bit of role reversal here. I was just thinking that if my recovery was rated on the number of well wishes and thoughts from family and good friends I will be dancing out of theatre. However, I know that would be a miracle so I will take it as it comes.

Today, finish pre op tests and tomorrow I'll be giving the surgeon the biggest challenge of his career.. haha.. I'm hoping though he'll make them really really nice boobies since he made me wait a week... well if he makes one new one he could pull up the other one too huh!! You'd think??

To all my beautiful family (I know my youngest daughter Haylee will be reading this) thank you for your love and best wishes. Keep laughing for me (cause I won't) and give my gorgeous granddies George, Olivia and Alex a big snuggle for me until I can cuddle again. Hmmm kisses on the cheek from now on huh. Haha oh dear well its goodbye from me for now and its goodbye from them.. well one of em anyway.

Take care peeps and boss boy, don't get too bored and set in your ways without me huh. I WILL BE BACK!! Yay and I'm a No 2 now, not a No 1 ... haha words ...

X

SURPRISE.... OR NOT!!

Yeap, its DDay and I'm still here! The Surgeon's PA rang at 4.40pm yesterday to postpone the operation. More acute cases which hey could be burn victims or something so I can sympathise with that. Understand .... accept .. well nothing I can do about it but I'll be pissed off if it happens again next week.
I guess I'd have it off by now if I'd chosen masectomy only but hey, the govt will only fund reconstruction if its done at the same time as masectomy so I dont have a choice if I want both. Maybe I can hit him up for a tuck up and two 30 year old boobies now.... he owes me huh!

Back to work... wonder if I get another morning tea shout next Monday hahahahahha

Cancer has shown me how to be a Real Bitch!@

I just had to put this in here.. it's so appropriate at the moment. I love it!

BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for Myself and my beliefs,
They call me a Bitch.
When I stand up for Those I love,
They call me a Bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts

Or do things my own way,
they call me a Bitch.

Being a bitch

Means I won't compromise what's In my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to Tolerate injustice and Speak against it,
I am Defined as a Bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for Myself
instead of being everyone's maid,

or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength

to allow Myself to be who I truly am

and won't become Anyone else's idea
of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, Opinionated and determined.
I want what I want
And there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me,
Try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash Every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch , So be it.
I embrace the title and Am proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Cancer - Start packing!

Yeap, five more sleeps and off to hospital! Never thought I would be excited to go to hospital and face the surgeons scapel but I am so ready for this I am ecstatic! I am so over this cancer thing and want to return to thinking about me and not what the cancer is doing inside me, every minute of the day!
Today I was so dumb. Luckily my clients were good friends but I spent a good few minutes looking for something and it was right in front of me all the time!!! Far out.. stoopid. They told me it was on the desk but I couldn't see it at all. I hope the surgeon finds my brain cause I think I swallowed it.
I'm finishing work tomorrow lunchtime, yeah right.. well I will come home when I've written all my notes etc. Seems weird that I won't be there for a few weeks... they are like a family.. such a cool team to work with. My boss told me a secret today and I can't wait till its official and I can tell my kids .. I am so wrapped. I love my job, I love my hobby, I love my kids my everything so whats a few weeks with a sore tum and swollen boob haha. And I'm thinking of all the sewing I can get done too.. YES!
My quilt will be finished over the weekend so I'll post a picture of it before I go. Its absolutely fabulous and I had enough hearts to make a quilt for my queen size bed plus... a pillow (to hold when I'm travelling - necessary evidently - and a bag to carry them both in.
And on that note I'd better get back to it.

Five and counting down!

9 more sleeps

My computer is so slow at home now that I can't even get into this site anymore. My car is ready for the dump, the computers stuffed and I have to have a remake! And I'm only 50 haha.
9 more sleeps - starting to feel a little nervous but absolutely positively POSITIVE! I have more concern for my dear friend Irene who decided to have a mammogram after getting my email and is now waiting on results of a biopsy. We've been in daily contact and I'm glad I keep her laughing but there's no way that I can understand how she feels waiting for the news. Because everyone is different. Everyone handles cancer in their own way. Its a very personal experience. I've been 'on top' I guess but others could feel devastated. What I've found though is how many 'friends' don't know how to deal with the news of someone having cancer. What has annoyed me the most is people who say "I know how you feel, I know what you're going through, I know what you're going to go through after the op" (Yes, its true!) and yet they've never had cancer, never had to have a breast off and never had sleepless nights thinking about the future! Thankfully there are few of them but it feels very patronising and really annoys me. I have to forgive them as words just aren't their best asset but geez, can people be so insensitive!
The Dr said I need heaps of sleep .. yeah right! I've seen 2am, 3.23am, 5am.. have you ever tried to count minutes to make you go back to sleep haha. Least I can plan stuff in the middle of the night.. no other distractions haha.
My quilt is ready to be quilted now. It looks absolutely amazing. So rich and colourful. I can't wait to see it finished. On Saturday I made a pillow thingy from some of the other hearts as they said I'll need to have one for travelling for a while. Keep the boob up haha.
Well off to a course today. Hope I dont fall asleep haha. Looking forward to free lunch tho! Whoops don't tell the boss! Have a great day everyone.

Eleven More Sleeps

Yes, It's all confirmed! I'm going to have the operation at the end of the month. Wow, I feel like it's Xmas... I am so excited that I'm finally going to be rid of this indicious disease. Yes, Yes, Yes Be gone Cancer! I dont care if I feel like I've "been run over by a bus for a couple of days" the cancer is gonna be on that bus and moving away from me.

Annette is coming with me and Haylee will come down at the weekend. My sisters will also be around for a few days. I can't wait now until I hear that surgeon say "you're all clear... we got it all!". I know he will.

4 - 6 weeks off work depending on how much sewing I get done???? Hehe Meals in Boxes, Home Help, good friends to keep me company, Save money because I can't drive for 4 weeks -my old bomb doesnt have power steering and drivers seat belt will be a pain too... bum!

Fingers Crossed

Yes, I have seen the surgeon and they have a tentative date of 29th August, to be confirmed in writing this week. Yes, Yes PLEASE!!!!

How can anyone be so excited about having their body chopped up?????..... sad ah.. but I will be rid of this cancer before it spreads anywhere else!

And as I guessed the 29th is my son-in-laws 30th birthday.... everything has happened on family birthday's this year.... on my older sisters birthday I fell down steps in Sydney and sprained my foot and ankle, on my 50th birthday the storm arrived in Sydney and we were housebound so couldn't travel as planned and on my little sister's birthday I was told I had cancer. Now dear Simon will have to celebrate his 30th without his mother-in-law.... haha.. .. I bet he will be unhappy about that!....

Fingers crossed this date is confirmed and then I'll be Counting down... 16 sleeps to go ..

One More Sleep

Yeap, tomorrow I finally see the Plastic Surgeon and hopefully this is the start to the end! I'm hoping that I'll receive a booking for my surgery in the next few days. I can't wait for this cancer to be gone and life to return back to normal. Its still incredible that I feel the same as I did six months ago and yet I have cancer! Even friends can't believe that it can be real but I'm sure we'll all know its for real when I'm lined up in theatre for the anaesthetic.

Carol helped me put my quilt top together yesterday. It is 72 squares but I still have about 40 left and I will use them for a lap quilt or cushions. We were up until 12.30am Carol sewed and I pinned. We both intended sewing but my 1/4 inch was a fraction different to Carol's but made a big difference in the sashing size. I'm doing the vertical sashings today.

My mum rang today to tell me someone had died of cancer! Go Mum! Geezus that's the last thing I want to hear at the moment even though I know I'm going to be okay.
Roll on tomorrow!

One Down - One to Go!

Yes, I have seen one surgeon and he thinks I could be in hospital by the end of the month. Just have to see the plastic surgeon now so fingers crossed. The weather was gorgeous in Wellington. Threatened my boss that I'll move down there but why go work for a Rotweiller when I can work for a puppy dog... hehe! My boss is so cool and he's a great team member with us experts around here! Hehe
Last night Carol and Alison came around and we worked out how to put my quilt together. Carol bought some gorgeous fabrics to try as sashings and we chose a gorgous vibrant red floral which really makes the colours of the hearts jump out! Carol is such a beautiful person and so generous. Her stash is amazing! So tonight I'll be cutting sashings and ironing blocks ready to start sewing. There are still more arriving everyday but the extra's will go on the back of the quilt. I can't wait to see it finished and it will be a real talking point when in hospital. Which will be great since I'll be so far away from friends.
It was real dejavu yesterday. When Annette, my eldest daughter and I were walking into Lower Hutt Hospital it felt like we'd turned the clocks back and I was taking her to see Drs again (she had a liver transplant 14 yrs ago). But this time it was Nette accompanying me and waiting for me to have xrays and blood tests. Weird but wonderful that she wanted to be there with me too.
I know they'll all be there for me on the day. My two girls Annette and Haylee, and my two sisters Raelene and Debbie. The op will take 7 hours so hope they find plenty to do... I know Raelene will go to the patchwork shop.. bum.

Went to acupuncture and deep tissue therapy this morning on my right arm. Its been getting sore and tight again lately so want to get it moving again before I go into hospital. Will get back into the pool again - been a bit slack last few days.

Counting down to Monday now.

Healing Hearts

You know I've just realised tonight how healing these hearts have been. For the last few days I have thought more about getting home to see what's in the mail and how Im going to put these blocks together than I have about the cancer! Well, I'm still anxious to get rid of the horrible overstayer! but these gorgeous bright hearts from all over NZ have given me so much to look forward too. Its amazing and still more are coming.

The photos not too great here but this heart was from Jacqui Karl from Kimbolton, who has quilted all my quilts so far. Jacqui is an amazing fabric artist and does all the quilting on an ordinary sewing machine. I have been known to cry when I have seen what Jacqui has created on my quilts. She's wonderful and her heart is too.

Tomorrow I'm off to Lower Hutt to see the surgeon who will do the first part of my op.. the masectomy. So the ball is rolling at last.

A Whole Lot of Heart!

Well the hearts are still arriving in my letterbox. Look at this, just some of them!

It's given me heaps to think about - like how am I going to put them all together??

Only two more sleeps and off to another general surgeon in Lower Hutt who will be doing the masectomy and then I see the plastic surgeon on Monday. I rang LH today to confirm my appt and asked if they had my mammogram slides - they didnt and the surgeon needed to see them so lucky I rang. PN will copy them just in time.

I had a great weekend. Margaret was here till late Saturday and we had a wonderful girly time. Blobbing out chatting, brunch, visitors it was great. then Sunday Cherry arrived with a naughty morning tea, she's such a doll! Emma invited me to their house for lunch and my friend Carol invited me for dinner! Wow, I could get used to that!! haha. It was good to get some sewing done too but I still have a lot to catch up on. Tomorrow night I will have discipline, come home and eat dinner quickly then into it. No slacking.

I have to get up early tomorrow too. My online quilting group are now sending childrens blocks in to make quilts for kids at Starship. Since I'm no good at applique I'm cutting a pile of blocks in childrens fabrics (I only have a few - yeah kidding!). I'm going to make quilts for my little people, Olivia and Alex who are 3 and 2. They are gorgeous little people. But first I have to make one for George and I have got as far as drafting the pattern. Third attempt! I have to like something before I can make it. George wants a mountain bike track quilt. I made a Motorx quilt for his cousin Cameron last year. It was a real mission but I was so proud of it. Cameron and his friends drew all the pictures at his 6th birthday party and I copied and appliqued them onto the quilt. Above is daytime with his dog Bud chasing the sheep. Below is the nightime and the dog is fast asleep in his kennel, Cameron is asleep in the loft and the motorbikes in the barn. the trees are the hands of Cameron and his friends. Orange is Cam's favourite colour and the hands belong to Dad (start of the race) and Mum's at the finish line. George will have his before his birthday in November. Thats my goal!

Better get my beauty sleep so I can get up early. Boss is letting me have his car park tomorrow while he has some touch ups done. He needs a few - getting old you know! hehe.

I love Wednesdays!

Wednesday's are often good days. Firstly I get to be the boss... well I get his carpark, thats close! Haha. Stew (Area Manager) goes to another office on Wednesday's so that day I can plan any appointments I have or go to shops I need the car for.
For the last 3 Wednesdays since being diagnosed my colleague and friend Bev has sent back a little parcel with Stew. The first parcel was a "Grow Your Own Big Tits" kit. Haha. It really made me laugh. The second was a card "just thinking of you" but filled with metallic stars.... as if I'd rip any present open from Bev! Last week it was a piece of fabric to make a heart for my quilt as she wanted to be part of it. Woah, you're not allowed to make me cry but little things like that mean heaps. Thank you Bev. This Wed she will be flying away for 3 weeks so no more pressies haha. She wouldn't take me with her either!
But today I received an appointment at Lower Hutt for Wednesday too. To see the general surgeon (no letter but I'm guessing he's going to do the masectomy. Yay, thats great news! so then I will see the plastic surgeon Monday week and then its all go when I get a date!

And then I'll be back to normal.. well not sure if I've ever been normal but who is!

Quilters - A unique Culture!

Thanks to Myra, Caroline, etc for their kind words and encouragement I will keep going with my blog. I've had the worst week really. So called 'friends' telling me how I should feel, what I should be doing etc. And then after receiving a letter from the hospital telling me my appointment with the surgeon has been postponed for another ten days.. well I crashed big time. It didnt help that I was out for dinner with friends when one said "your cancer can't be that urgent" etc etc. I know she has a problem with speaking before thinking but I wasn't strong enough that night to cope with her 'advice' and I left the restaurant. I ended up at Carol's and sobbed my heart out for what seemed like ages. To me I need to get rid of this incidious disease TOMORROW - it has taken over my life. It was like my whole being was waiting for today's appointment as then I would be one step closer to 'the end'. I was devastated... I'm lucky to have friends close to me who've had cancer like Raewyn who bought me flowers yesterday because she understood how dissapointed I was.

And my Quilt.... Wow, I now have 67 heart blocks! Most from people I dont even know. They are members of an online quilt group I belong to so the blocks have come from all over NZ. Some from close friends .. from Myra, Irene, Jacqui. Last night some of our Quilt Club Committee gave me them.. gorgeous hearts and there will probably be more in the letterbox tonight. Even a colleague who doesnt quilt has sent me a fat quarter because she wants to be part of it! They are gorgeous, bright colours and I will be able to look at them often and read the names of those who have made them. I never thought something as small as a 6" piece of fabric could be so precious. Carol is going to help me put the blocks together and she will quilt it for me before I have my op. I can't wait to see it finished.

It helps me realise how lucky I am that this is happening at the best time of my life! I have great family and friends, a job I enjoy and a really supportive boss, a great place to live and I am learning from this experience to be stronger, to take control and walk away from situations when I don't feel good and that even a blade of grass or the texture of a fabric is more important than a nice new toyota! Geez??

Karen

Whoops

I've written my last post in comments after my last blog.

WHY ME? IS THIS A DREAM?

What a week? It's been an up-hill battle this week to stay on top. I had a busy weekend and then Monday a busy night at our Club which was hard work for the first time. Tuesday I was a wipe out after not having enough sleep. Lucky I had no clients because I wasnt really with it all day. Wednesday and Thursday I was out (feel better being with people than home alone) and by Friday I was desperate for a good nights sleep. So off to the doc for sleeping pills. However, Margaret arrived Friday night and I slept till 6am... wow.. what a miracle and no pills! but this morning I saw 3am, 4am, 6am, then back to sleep and slept through the alarm again. Pills tonight and hopefully wont be late for work tomorrow.
I went to see a friend today who has been where I am and it was so comforting to know I am still normal. Everything I've been feeling and thinking, she understood perfectly. And I agree, I dont think I will relax until I hear the Dr say "we got it all".
It was good to talk to Margaret who also understood my thoughts about Why Me, Why any good person.... Why do any of us get cancer? I still think sometimes .. is it really happening.. am I imagining things.. but then I can see the scars from my biopsy's and I know it is real! I feel well, apart from muscle strain, headaches and indigestion (havent had that for years) and I put it all down to stress... It's not something I'm actively creating.. Its something I can't get away from.. its with me every minute of the day and night and theres nothing anyone can do to make it go away!
Margaret is great company and she will be back again on Wednesday for 3 days. We went shopping yesterday, clothes for Margaret.. I can't get enthused at the moment. She bought a couple of black tops and then I showed her how to make some arty farty fabric to put on the front of one. She had fun doing it. Margaret paints beautiful pictures, when she has time! She is always so busy looking after everyone else.. she doesnt have enough time for herself. Hehe Margaret will growl at me now. Haha.
The heart blocks keep on coming. My friend Carol thought it would be a great idea to make them into a quilt so I could take it to hospital with me. She's going to ask my local friends to make blocks which will be really special too. Wow, I wanted something personal to take with me to hospital but I didnt know what... . this will be the best. Something to keep me warm inside and out!

Well I"m off to relax and catch up with Grey's Anatomy then take a pill and off to work. Hopefully I'll be at work on time haha.

CELEBRATIONS

Yes, I'm still here. Its been a really busy weekend and yesterday was no different. I spent Saturday sewing with a group of friends, then went up to the Hospital to visit my father who's had a couple of days up there. Nothing serious! Sunday, my friends/landlords arrived and pulled out my gardens and replanted them. It was a bitterly cold day in the wind and showers of rain but it looks great! Then last night was the 25th birthday of my patchwork and quilting club so it was a busy night. I'm on the Committee and we wore Silver tinsel wigs, gave everyone a birthday present and had a lot of fun. As Librarian I have to do my speel on stage but last night I was a bit emotional beforehand...I think I was overwhelmed at everyones' kindness, hugs and 'hearts' ... It's hard work being funny and happy all the time and I have to admit to feeling wasted today! I've never really been in this position before. I like to think I"ve been there for others in this situation but now its very humbling to be the recipient!
My online patchwork group have been sending me 'heart blocks' which are 6 1/2" squares with a heart sewn on them and their names, messages written around it. When I have recovered from my future op I will sew them all together to remember this journey.
Thank you to everyone who's leaving messages on here too. Michelle of course I remember you. haha. Its a small world sometimes ah. Thank you for your kind words and my love to your Mum.
Marg, how many more sleeps. I can't wait to see you and have your company. This weekend and next .. how lucky am I? See you soon my friend.
Tomorrow is payday thank goodness. I have to get my eyes tested... blind as a bat! but I've decided to wait until after the surgery before I get my glasses. Something to look forward too... except for the bill of course!! I can't see what I look like when I'm trying them on haha so I need to buy them so my daughter has offered to go with me. I have been going to the pool and walking up to 40 lengths at a time. I want to build that up to 80 which I used to do years ago. Its good exercise walking in the pool, plus its safer than walking on my own, and warm too!

Chris H, wow, what a fantastic artist you are! I love your tri thingies. They're gorgeous.

Well everyone, my dinner must be nearly cooked now so I'm off for the evening. Still springcleaning and finding a few treasures I'd forgotten I had. Heaps of sewing to do still but priorities to get the food and wine in for my friend Margaret's stay this weekend. I am so looking forward to her visit. Then she'll be back again next weekend. Yes!!!

Nite everyone.

Karen

The fog still is!

Just when I thought the fog was lifting I realised at 3am this morning that I had cut half my blocks the wrong size..... geez! And my mate at work says my hair is dyed! Think she's right! Haha.

What an amazing journey this is!

I feel so humble.

Since being diagnosed I have had people constantly offering to help in any way, ringing to support me, calling in to visit, offering support in the future when I need it. And today in the post I received a gift from someone I've never met but know of through an online quilting group.

Heres the beautiful pincushion and tools holder she made me using "Quilt for a Cure" fabric for Cancer. I opened the parcel and cried. I know that people care but it really is overwhelming. My online quilt group are even making heart blocks for me, that I can sew into a quilt to remember this experience. I was told "Its the quilting culture. To show we care about you". I feel undeserving as there are so many women who are really suffering through cancer but I am still fit and well and once I have this surgery there is a 90% chance I will be cancer free without treatment.

Tonight I've been to my patchwork group and finally cut out some blocks for a row swap, which are way overdue. They need to be posted next week at the latest. I have a sewing bee that I host on Saturday so I can spend the whole day catching up on what I havent done in the last 3 weeks! No excuses! I think it will motivate me to get cracking. Working with fabric and colour is really healing and makes me feel good because I can be creative and achieve something.

This is one I made last year for my neice's wedding present. Their colours were burgundy and blue at the wedding so I used them predominantly in the quilt. It was a huge surprise for them. I told Stacey I was making a patchwork outfit to wear to the wedding and the poor girl believed me! Don't know why?

Well I've felt a little less foggy today. I had an amazing sleep last night. Slept till 5am instead of 4 so felt a little brighter when I got up. But when I was looking at clothes during my lunchhour and I saw a gorgeous blouse rather transparent, I thought "I'll never be able to wear one of those as people will see I won't have a nipple"... but as usual a friend cheered me up with their comment "Put a M&M on your boob and noone will know the difference"?? Haha I guess if I was hungry I'd always have a snack close by.

I love my friends! Thanks to all of you too for your comments today. This is a fantastic way of sharing my journey!

Karen

PS Can someone tell me how to search for other blogs through this site???

"Cancer is a Word, Not a Sentence"

Hi. Thanks to Chris and Stew who came down to show me how to 'tart' up my blog tonight. Now I know how to put in photos and make it look a bit more attractive!

Well my visit to the surgeon this morning was um interesting. I hadnt given a thought to the fact that all these men are now going to want to look at my boob and touch it!! Oh dear, just when I thought I'd got over the gynacology bit now I have another embaressment to get over.
However he was very nice, and explained heaps to me like I do have a bit of time to get used to it before it comes off. I see the next surgeon on 3 August and hopefully he will give me a date for Lower Hutt to have surgery done.

I have to finish a few quilts (unfinished pfojects) and start a couple more for my granddchildren. Here is a pic of one I did for my grandson last year. He requested orange, farm animals, motorikes and numbers. So I combined all of his requests into one rug.
Well I'm off to bed. Have to hit the hay as soon as I'm tired now so that I actually get a few hours good sleep. Take care everyone.

Of sound mind, yeah right??

Well, what a day, what a week? I think my brain has gone into hybernation. It seems like a real effort to concentrate on the little things these days. I filled in a form today but I'd got the instructions wrong... so had to get new ones! I visited a really good friend for lunch but had trouble remembering her husbands name??? And then I redid my blog and put my email address in wrong? Geez.
Lucky I updated my Will and made Enduring Power of Attorney's recently. Maybe I knew something was ahead of me. Not that I'm planning on dying, but I might need my EPA if my brain doesnt wake up soon. But then I'm crazy now so how will anyone know when I cross the line haha. People at the restaurant where I had my 50th must have thought I was nuts!
Its a long story but I had to live up to my reputation. I sent out invites for my 5th birthday and then turned up at the restaurant with bobby socks, fairy wings, a tiara, even a hanky pinned to my top. I looked absolutely hideous but it all started on my 4oth, ten years ago.
My lovely kids decided they would throw a party for me, a Birthday Roast so all my friends could come and tell stories about the crazy things I'd done to them and others. I love playing jokes and making people laugh!
To top it all my lovely kids shouted me to Nelson the week before the party (to get me out of town) and told me I would be picked up to go the party when all the guests had arrived. Well I was a bit nervous, No, a lot nervous about that. But geez the brain worked overtime.
On the night I dressed in my new clothes and said goodbye to the family who went to the hall to greet the guests. I quickly changed and when my Dad came to pick me up he found Mother Teresa waiting for him. He was dumstruck! I arrived at the hall, to a standing ovation but you can imagine. It wasnt me, It was a nun complete with rosary beads and a walking stick! And it had the desired effect. Only three people told stories and they were all family!! haha. Noone could relate me to Mother T... of course if I'd worn my angel wings ten years ago they might have recognised me easier haha!
Off to the first surgeon tomorrow. Hopefully I will get a referral to a plastic surgeon in Wellington so fingers crossed. Every day is another day closer to being free of the Big C! Theres a jingle for ya! Cheers everyone. Thanks for your kind thoughts and best wishes today. X

One week since diagnosis!

This time last week I was diagnosed as having breast cancer and told I would need a mastectomy. Wow, it blew me away. I have just turned 50, had a fantastic party with family and friends and thought life was pretty sweet. I turned up for my routine mamogram without a care in the world until I was called back within a few days for reassessment.So here I am awaiting a visit to the surgeon this week. Its been a good week. I've coped, stayed positive. I am so lucky they have found it early and I will live to finish all my ufo's ... I patchwork .. a lot! I've told all my family and closest friends. And I'm planning a wake for my boob. After all, its fed three kids and served me well! My friends think its a fantastic idea.. they know me well and know that this is how I would want to spend the time close to surgery date.I'm hoping to be able to have a reconstruction at the same time but wont know for sure until I see the plastic surgeon. It would be so great if they could make it a nice pert 21 year old boosey but they'd have to pin up the other one as well. And the bonus is they take the fat for my new boosey from my stomach so I'll end up losing an inch or two. Hmmm I hope they know when they've got enough, I could end up with a double H on the right and a C on the left. I"d be running around in circles!Hey I have to make jokes. There is nothing I can do about this. I have cancer! Woah.. that is weird saying that. I feel fine, look fine but I have cancer. What a miserable sneaky disease it is ah. Noone in my family has had breast cancer. I had no lumps. No illness. But thanks to Breast Screening I have joined the millions of other women who suffer from this horrible disease. Well, I dont think of it as my enemy, that would be stressful. ..It is an overstayer..and its bags are being packed.So now you know what I'm coping with at the moment. I'm staying on top though feeling like I cant concentrate by the afternoons, very tired I think from stress even though I'm not consciously feeling stressed! Its always in the back of my mind and I cant wait to find out when I'm going to be rid of this pest. I hoped that by writing a blog friends and family could share my thoughts, and share their feelings with me. I know I am not alone in this. If nothing else this has happened at the best time in my life. I have a wonderful family and more friends now than I've ever had. My boss is fantastic and very understanding. I work with neat fun people in a job I love doing. I have a cosy place to live in and I am ever so grateful for all the support I have been offered. I know that everyone is thinking of me and will be there if I ask for help (geez that's not easy for me but I'll learn).